…and saying it with confidence and guilt free
How comfortable are you saying ‘no’, particularly in the work environment? How awkward does it feel when you say ‘no’?
The thought of saying ‘no’ can make us feel uncomfortable for so many reasons:
- We feel we’re letting someone down
- We’ll disappoint our manager/team etc
- We might be perceived as not being committed to the cause
- We feel like it looks like we can’t cope
- We might be judged by others
- It’ll mean someone else will have to carry more of the workload
You name it, there’s so much behind our innate reluctance to say no
And yet, for our peace of mind, our balance, our wellbeing, our onward success (& that of those around us), ‘no’ is actually a very powerful tool.
When ‘no’ can be good
If your instinct in that split second makes you want to say ‘no’, there’ll be something behind it (and, trust me, its not inherent laziness!). Take a moment to take stock of why you want to say ‘no’.
- Does the task need doing? Maybe not?
- Is there a more efficient way of getting to the same solution?
- Are you the best person/team for the job?
- Does this already exist? If so, would this be replicating the work unnecessarily?
- Is it not in service of your professional or personal goals?
- Does it impact your current workload?
- Is it achievable within the timeframe required?
- Have you got the resources, tools, skills to complete the task?
There’s likely a valid reason why the answer for you is ‘no’, but that doesn’t mean it won’t or can’t get done. It just might mean there’s an alternative way.
If you feel a ‘no’ is appropriate for one of these reasons, that can be a powerful way to push back on something… you can use this to your benefit, and ultimately to the benefit of the wider team and task.
How to say ‘no’, guilt free
So, now we’ve acknowledged that the reason behind wanting to say ‘no’ is a positive one, we now need to actually say it. Except, we don’t actually say ‘no’. Clear as mud? Yep, thought so…
There are ways of saying ‘no’ without actually saying the word. And they anchor off the reasons you’ve determined above.
Here are my 5 recommended steps to saying no, guilt free…
Step one: stay rational. Under pressure and in stress states, our limbic brain (the emotional part of our brain) can take over, which can elicit more emotional responses. These aren’t going to be that helpful in putting your point across in a way that’s easy to understand, with authority. Take a deep breath, try not to react immediately and take time before you respond.
Step two: seek to understand why this person is asking you to do the task. What’s behind the request? Probe a little deeper to understand what’s behind the question- often what people ask at face value is actually not what they need at all. What is it they are trying to achieve? What’s the ultimate end goal?
For example, someone might ask you to complete a piece of research for a project. Whilst this is the task they have proposed, the outcome they’re looking for is to source data points to support their case for a proposal they want to make to the board. Their approach is to undertake research… but actually is there a better way that you can see to get to the same result?
Step three: Explain the reason why you aren’t able to do the task, and where you’re coming from. Use the answers to the earlier questions to help you frame this in a way that is easy to communicate.
For example, “I’d love to help with this, but at the moment my priority, and therefore my time, has to be single mindedly focused on xxx.”
Step four: Propose an alternative solution. It might be that someone else is better placed to complete the task, in which case you could recommend they ask them (& explain why). It could be that there’s an alternative route to getting to the solution that you can suggest.
For example: “I see where you’re coming from with that. I know we did some work on it back in 2015, so it would be worth you mining that data first to see if it gives you what you need. You’ll find it on the shared drive…”
Step five: If necessary, find a compromise. Could you change the scope or the deadline of the task? Could you ask for some of the groundwork to be done, so that when you can get to the task you can hit the ground running?
For example: “I won’t be able to get to this before the end of the week because I’ve got this priority to complete, but I’ll be done on Friday. If you could make sure I’ve got x,y,z information ready for Monday morning, I can get to your task then and I’ll be able to come back to you with the answers you need by Wednesday next week.”
Hopefully you can see that this is a supportive, rational, productive way of saying ‘no’ whilst still getting the job done.
Saying no isn’t about being obstinate or difficult. It’s about considering how best to deliver an objective in an efficient way that works for everyone. No can be a positive thing to say.
Maybe you’ll feel comfortable saying ‘no’ next time you need to. It’s for good reasons, don’t forget!
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