Unknown to us, and yet they define us
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t- you’re right.”
Henry Ford
What do you believe? It’s a big question that can be taken in so many ways, isn’t it? And often we find it hard to answer. It’s difficult to tap into this level in our psyche.
This is the thing with beliefs; they are often unknown to us and yet they define us, our thoughts, our actions, our moral code, our attitude and our mindset. They are drivers of our behaviours and outlook, and yet we are unaware of them, where they’ve come from and the impact they’re having on us.
Beliefs are powerful: what’s important is that we marshal our beliefs for our benefit, for our ultimate success and happiness.
What are beliefs?
In the world of coaching, we define beliefs as:
- Assumptions we have about ourselves and the world around us
- A filter for our experiences
- Rules or “truths” that we live our lives by
- Generalisations or decisions about how we view things
- Often, we are unaware of them
- They can be used as a force for good (or can be detrimental to us)
Essentially, they are the thoughts or the inner voice we each have that determines how we view the world and our attitude, perspective and our approach.
As with everything, there are two sides of the beliefs coin:
- Empowering beliefs
- Limiting beliefs
Empowering beliefs are helpful, positive and accurate. They give us strength, courage, positivity and a sense of possibility. They build our confidence and help us believe in a successful outcome. They help us to take action and enhance our self-belief. It’s a ‘can-do’ attitude.
Limiting beliefs, however, are beliefs which restrict you in some way. They undermine your confidence and can break you down; they hold you back from thinking positively or believing in a successful outcome. They can be sweeping generalisations about a potential outcome based on past experiences (e.g. ‘we’ve tried that before, it never works’). These beliefs are rooted in fear.
Empowering beliefs can unlock great success, drive, optimism and happiness. Limiting beliefs, conversely often make us nervous of taking action or from moving forwards (professionally or personally).
The 3 types of beliefs
There are three macro types of belief and they are prevalent in all aspects of our lives. Within each of these macro belief types, we can have empowering or limiting beliefs.
The first is a belief around possibility: the extent to which you believe something is or is not possible.
An empowering belief around possibility could be:
- I can achieve anything I put my mind to
- I’m up for the challenge
- I’m sure we’ll find a solution
- There’s a way through this
Conversely, limiting beliefs around possibility could be:
- We’ll never make it
- There’s no chance
- It’s too difficult to get there
- I’ll never get the job.
The second macro type of belief is focused on ability: your inherent ability or capability to achieve something.
An empowering belief around ability could be:
- I believe in myself and the team
- I am capable
- I have the resources I need to deal with this
- My experience in this field will stand me in good stead
Compared with limiting beliefs which could be:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m ‘blagging’ this
- I don’t have the skills I need
- I can’t do it as well as my colleague can.
Finally, the third macro type of belief is around the concept of worth: the inherent value you hold as an individual (in your own eyes and your perception of your worth in the eyes of others).
Empowering beliefs on worth could be:
- I’m a good person
- I am equal
- I have value to add
- My opinion is useful
Conversely, limiting beliefs on worth could appear as:
- I’m not appreciated
- I don’t deserve it (success, promotion, accolades)
- I have to prove myself
- I’m only as good as my results.
I hope you can see, through these examples, the impact that holding an empowering belief might have on you and your outlook compared with a limiting belief which might hold you back.
You may choose to take a moment to reflect on the beliefs (limiting and empowering) that you are currently holding. What is your inner voice saying to you?
Where do they come from?
Beliefs are often formed and accumulated through childhood. As children, we are soaking up all the information around us and it shapes the way we see the world. The perspectives and belief set that we adopt as children will be determined by our parents or guardians, the cultural dynamics at play, the educational, spiritual and political context and the experiences we come across.
Beliefs may also be formed through experiences and scenarios that arise as adults. Beliefs can be generalisations or filters that our brains make. But how do these filters or generalisations work?
Ready for a bit of entry level science?
Our subconscious mind is powerful and is running away behind the scenes working things out for us, using our fight/flight/freeze responses via our nervous system. To run efficiently, the subconscious mind assesses scenarios and situations and uses past experiences as a filter to determine the action that needs to be taken. Clearly, in the event of seeing a car coming, our subconscious is keeping us safe by telling us not to cross the road. However, when this filter is applied to other, non-dangerous scenarios, the filters that are applied using past experiences can be limiting for us. This subconscious filter may automate our response to say “I can’t do it”, based on a previous experience, rather than settling into a positive mindset of “I’ve got every chance of it working this time!”.
The good news is that, even though our beliefs are formed through childhood and based on generalisations of past experiences, we can adapt them.
But to do this, we need to be aware of them. Herein lies the challenge- beliefs are often unknown to us! This is where a coaching conversation is such a useful tool- it can help you to determine your beliefs (empowering and limiting) but also is a safe space for you to determine what you want to do to overcome those limiting beliefs which are holding you back.
Beliefs in action
So, we know what they are and where they come from. But how do they influence how we feel and the actions we choose to take?
This diagram helps to understand this interplay and what’s going on behind the scenes in our subconscious to influence our behaviours…
- Of course, we all have thoughts. Everything you have done from birth to this moment is based on a thought. Everything you say requires a thought. The ways people react to us, interact with us and talk to us create thoughts. These thoughts are what control us and affect the way we…
- Feel. Feelings are just a series of thoughts, which are processed and develop into feelings. Over time these feelings create your belief system, which includes your feelings about ‘who you are’, ‘what you can do’ and ‘what your place is in the world’. These feelings can manifest themselves positively or negatively depending on the thoughts that shaped them. Our feelings and beliefs are what determine our…
- Actions. We tend to act consistently with the beliefs that we have developed over time. This happens whether the feeling or belief is true or not. We often refer to our actions as Behaviour. For instance, because I believe this or feel this way, then I must behave in a way that supports that belief. Of course these actions will determine your…
- Results. Because you act in a certain way you produce the results that you do. These results are what we also call experiences. Over time we build up a series of experiences, these experiences are then processed and developed into new thoughts…and so the cycle is complete.
Thoughts literally shape and create our experience of life – they can be your greatest friend or your worst enemy.
Making our beliefs work for us
As we explored up top, empowering beliefs can help us- they propel us forwards, they build our confidence and self-belief, they encourage us to take risks, to have a go, to have a possibility mindset. Harnessing these beliefs, acknowledging them and drawing on them proactively more often will help you.
Limiting beliefs, however, if not dealt with can undermine, can knock your confidence and can limit your success, happiness and fulfilment.
In a coaching conversation, we explore your beliefs: both empowering and limiting. It can be hard to name your empowering beliefs, and yet this is critical in harnessing the power of them. So we start here- we explore what you know to be true about yourself in a positive way. We then work to strengthen your conviction on these and drive your conscious awareness to them, so you can rely on them to bolster you when you need it.
We then move to your Limiting Beliefs. It’s often easier to name your limiting beliefs as you can hear these in your mind more clearly. Once we’ve written them down, we unpack them- where have they come from, who gave you that belief, how often has it been true… and so on. We’ll work through each of these at length to take the sting out of them. It’s likely you’ll realise that the limiting beliefs you have held are wrong, overstated, incorrect.
We then work on building your belief set using the strength of your empowering beliefs and the reality you’ve created about your limiting beliefs, to arm you with tools and resources to take forwards into your life.
Accelerating your strengths is just as much a part of a coaching conversation as overcoming your limiting beliefs. It’s a game changer in improving your confidence, I promise.
If you’d like to explore what working with me could mean for you, complete the form and I’ll be in touch to arrange a complimentary 30min discovery call.
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