And how can you define success on your own terms?
Success. A big concept. Something most of us strive towards. Possibly, for a lot of us, our reason for getting out of bed in a morning. Why we work. Why we strive hard. To have success. To be successful. Because surely, if we’re successful, happiness will follow.
Right?
Maybe. Maybe not. I would argue it depends how you define success as to whether “being successful” can make you happy. And when I say happy, I mean that true, deep sense of contentment and fulfilment (as opposed to the ‘happiness’ we see on social media or claim over dinner with friends!)
The definition of success
The Cambridge English dictionary defines success as:
“the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for”.
Other definitions of success include “the accomplishment of one’s goals” and “the attainment of wealth, position, honours or the like”.
What’s your version of success? How would you define success?
The badge of success in today’s society- the trappings of success
I’d hazard a guess that for many of us, our definition of success could include:
- a job title
- a size of house
- a type of car (or cars)
- the number of holidays a year
- your holiday destination
- the salary you earn
- the opportunities you can offer your children
- the level you’ve achieved in the hierarchy
- the qualifications you’ve got under your belt
- the number of people who report to you
There might also be badges of success allocated to
- how busy you are
- how many friends you have
- how sociable you are
- the types of people you spend your time with
- how thin you are
- how young you look for your age
- the number of diamonds/watches/handbags you have
- how well you’re juggling all the demands on your time
I’m sure this list barely scratches the surface, so fuelled are we by the different trappings of success we consider to be important, relevant and worthwhile in today’s world.
There is a societal and cultural pressure for us to be successful, to be seen as successful and to keep up with this perception of success. It is encouraged by social media and is fuel for comparison-itis (check out other blog posts for more on this).
But at what cost?
If you can relate to the definition I’ve created of success above, I’d encourage you to now think about what the cost of this perceived success is for you. Consider, perhaps:
- How relaxed, rested and calm do you feel?
- What’s the balance like in your life?
- When was the last time you did something you enjoy and that you’re passionate about?
- How much quality time do you spend with your partner, children or dearest friends?
- How anxious do you feel?
- How content are you?
- When did you last feel free?
- When did you last giggle, let your hair down?
- How often do you feel grateful for the things around you or are you constantly seeking more?
I believe (and I’m aware I’m generalising here) that we are increasingly transfixed by the concept of success, with an insatiable desire for more. So much so, that even when we’ve achieved what we thought we wanted, we want more and that, in reality, we’re trapped chasing the perception we carry of success.
And whilst we may, on the surface, feel and seem successful (because we tick all the success boxes), underneath it all, we are so far from success it is unsettling.
Redefining Success
We considered that success can be defined using material measurements or badges of honour of how we spend our time. But what if we could tap into a deeper, more meaningful version of success? One that ignites a spark in us? One that is embedded deep within our psyche? One that is defined by our personal ambitions, not the trappings of success that society and those around us dictate?
I explore the concept of the definition of success with a number of my 1:1 clients and, when we start unpicking it, they realise there are so many versions of success and that these are bespoke to each of us as individuals.
Success (as defined by each of us) is fundamentally linked to our values. These are our personally held standards, expectations, things that are important to us and what motivates us. We are each driven by our own value set, but these are often unknown to us. It is through 1:1 coaching that we unpack what these are specifically for you, and then work out how you might define success ON YOUR TERMS.
How can I work out my values?
Values work is deep-rooted and highly self-reflective. We go deeply into this when we explore values in coaching, but, as a starting point, grab a pen and paper and consider how you might answer these three questions:
- What are the most important things for you to have in life?
- If you were to look back on your life, how would you describe a life that had been ‘well lived’?
- Consider a point in time when you were happiest- what was it about this time that made you so happy?
What do you notice about the words you’ve written?
It’s likely you might write down concepts such as: balance, stability, control, love, learning, integrity, family, acceptance… etc…
You may well notice that you haven’t written concepts such as: Managing Director, £100k salary, 5 bed house, holidays in the Caribbean.
I’d encourage you to take some time to consider how the list you have created may differ from that which you used to determine success before reading this article. It doesn’t mean that you won’t achieve the £100k salary, the 5 bed house and the holidays in the Caribbean. I’d argue that by focusing on your values, you will create a life that makes you successful on your own terms, and by doing that you’ll unlock all the traditional success metrics anyway.
It just means that instead of chasing the traditional trappings of success, you can redefine how you choose to live your life and find success in a different way. One that is more fulfilling. One that is more empowering. One that is more authentically you.
Finally, consider this: What will it take for you to be comfortable with this version of success?
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