How being vulnerable with others is a sign of strength
I know, I know, the statement “powerful vulnerability” sounds like an oxymoron. At first glance, it doesn’t seem possible that you can be powerful (read strong) and vulnerable at the same time. Surely, being vulnerable means being at risk, being open to pain, potentially being hurt? Quite the opposite of being powerful, you’d have thought.
All of this, I suppose, is true. But what you may not have considered (and this was a huge learning for me in my own personal journey) is that the benefits of being vulnerable, of being authentic, of showing your true self (to the right people) can reward you tenfold.
Indeed, the more vulnerable you are and the more authentically you present yourself, often the better the response that you get from those around you. If you get a good response, its likely to be less scary to feel comfortable sharing your authentic and vulnerable self. And so, this virtuous circle begins where you build strength from your vulnerability, so you’re less vulnerable.
Clear as mud, I’d imagine…
What’s your natural instinct?
As an example, imagine this- when you see someone upset at work, what’s your natural instinct?
I’d guess that most of us would want to help, to comfort, to support, to see what we could do to make things better. It’s unlikely that you would judge that person at first glance for their tears. Being tearful in this example is an overt, well recognised act of vulnerability, particularly in a workplace setting.
This person has chosen to trust that their emotions and vulnerability will be responded to with kindness. They’re letting others in.
If anything, its our reaction to the vulnerability that is more pertinent- are we scared of open emotion? Are we judgemental of someone who is open to feeling their emotions rather than hiding them away? Maybe that’s something that is inherent within us or our culture. Maybe we need to put the mirror up to ourselves on this instead?
Vulnerability is a sign of strength
It takes, in my humble opinion, strength and courage to show vulnerability (where others may choose to hide it). So, by showing this vulnerability, our tearful colleague is being brave, but the response he or she gets is one of strength, of care and of support from those around them. These emotional tools that they receive are surely a great step towards what they may need to face the challenge as it lies in front of them.
That strength from others then reassures them on a number of levels:
- I am supported
- I am cared about
- It’s OK to be vulnerable
- My authentic self is worthwhile
- I can get through this
The irony is, had our tearful colleague not been tearful, we may not have known that they needed the support, the care, the help. We’d have been quietly plugging away in our own heads, in our own silo, thinking about our own priorities. This tearful colleague then wouldn’t have received the care, the support, the help that they craved. The situation could have got worse. In this case, the circle would have been a downward one rather than an uplifting one.
And yet, by being vulnerable and having courage to do so, despite the opinion and potential judgement of others, our tearful colleague opened a powerful dynamic- that of a team who cares, who support and who helps. This will have given them not only a huge boost and a route forward, but also the learning that being vulnerable is OK.
This will encourage them to be vulnerable again. It also sets out the understanding amongst the rest of us that being vulnerable is OK. More than that, it is being courageous. Which is powerful.
Scary as it may seem, vulnerability is, and can be, hugely powerful. Oh, and it’s hugely liberating too… but we’ll save discussing authenticity for another day!
What will it take for you to have the courage to be vulnerable?
What will it take for you to feel you can share your authentic, honest, vulnerable self?
What do you need to ask for from those around you?
Who might you open up to first? Who do you trust the most to respond as you might need?
How might you choose to create an environment where your team members feel comfortable being vulnerable with you in the workplace?
How can you share your own vulnerabilities in an authentic way with your team, to create a role model behaviour of openness being appreciated and supported?
Vulnerability is a sign of strength. It carries within it an inherent power and a positive impact on the individual and the team.
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