Now’s the time to gain the clarity you crave and create a life you love on your terms
At various times in our lives, many of us will have existential queries. Those phases in our life when we want and need to take stock, to work out who we are and what we want. These thoughts may be sparked by a particular situational event (e.g. a relationship breakdown, a redundancy) or a phase in our lives (for example a big birthday milestone). We might ask ourselves questions such as:
- Who am I?
- Who do I want to be?
- What do I want from my life?
- What would I like my life to look like?
- How happy am I with the status quo? What do I want to change?
- What changes do I want to make to create a life I love?
- What do I want from my career?
- How do I want to spend my free time?
- What do I want from the next phase of my life?
If you’re starting to ask yourself some deeply personal, challenging and highly reflective questions like these, it can feel daunting. So, let’s break it down… how can you get the clarity you need about what you want, and how do you then create a plan to help you get there?
- Take Stock
To work out what we want, it’s often useful to start with where we are today. What does our life currently look like, what about it makes you happy and which are the bits that you would like to change?
To do this, the Wheel of Life tool is brilliant!
This tool is an amazing way to take a step back from your day to day and create a snapshot of your life. Specifically looking at:
- What’s your life like now?
- How do you want your life to be?
- Where are the gaps?
The magic in this tool is in the reflection it inspires. By using this tool, and by asking yourself the questions I’ve captured here for you, it will help you to determine:
- Where you feel most fulfilled
- Where the ‘niggles’ are that are causing you upset or concern
- What changes you might want to make
- How you can create more balance in your life, in a way that works for you
This tool will help you to create goals and an action plan to find balance, happiness and fulfilment on your terms.
I often use this tool at the beginning of coaching conversations with new clients as it is pivotal in providing you with a bird’s eye view of your life, something we very rarely take the time to do. I hope you find it as powerful as my coaching clients have before you.
Give it a go…
Step one: Grab a piece of paper and draw the diagram as per below:
If you’d rather, you can choose different sections to review- these can be anything you choose, but I recommend starting with what you can see on the diagram, if you’re looking to seek clarity on your life as a whole.
Step two: Score each of these sections of life
Using the scale of 1-10 (with 1 = low satisfaction, 10 = high satisfaction), score each area based on your satisfaction levels in each area. Put a dot on the line that corresponds to your score for that area. Be honest and try not to overthink it- go with your instinct!
Step three: Connect the dots
Connect the dots between your scores to create your Wheel of Life.
Nobody’s wheel is perfectly circular. If yours isn’t either, that’s to be expected! There’s value in working out why it’s not & what you might want to do about it.
Step four: Reflect
What is happening in your life at the moment that means you’ve scored the areas as you have? Capture your thoughts.
Consider asking yourself:
- What do you notice about your wheel?
- What has this shown you about your life right now?
- What surprises you?
- How is the shape of your wheel impacting you right now?
- Which are your priority areas?
- What would it take to score your priority areas 2 points higher?
- Which areas do you want to change?
- What will it take for you to score these areas differently?
- What’s missing in your life?
- What’s great about your life?
- Based on your wheel, what goals could you set for yourself?
Step five: Explore the themes you’ve uncovered further.
You could journal to capture your thoughts and support your reflection. You could choose to discuss your findings with a trusted friend, peer or confidante.
You may choose to work with a coach, like me, to unpack your thoughts further in a safe, confidential and totally protected space.
From here, you can define goals for your life that will help you find fulfilment in a way that is meaningful for you!
- Determine what you want
The next step is to decipher what you want. In this step, its about working out what you believe will make you happy and fulfilled. What does “good” look like?
Take each element of the wheel and work out what you’d like in an ideal world, by segment, to make you feel happy. At this stage, these changes may still feel big, unwieldy, and overwhelming. That’s OK for now- this stage is all about suspending a sense of reality and limitation.
So, ask yourself:
- What do I want?
- What would I do if there were no constraints or restrictions?
- What would I do if I knew I would succeed?
Capture your thoughts.
- Visualise what it is that you have decided you want
Visualisation is all about projecting yourself forwards to put some colour, feeling and sensory weight behind your goals. It’s all about imagining what it will look and feel like when you have achieved this goal. So take what you’ve created in step 2 and put some more colour and depth to your thinking. This takes your goal from being a one-dimensional concept to something significantly more tangible, and inspiring!
You may want to consider:
- What will it look like?
- What will it feel like?
- What will it smell like?
- What will it give you?
- Where will you be?
Visualisation is a powerful tool to create an image in your mind about what this future will look and feel like for you. The benefit of this is that it makes it more tangible and within touching distance. You might choose to create a mood board using clippings to help you define how it will look and feel. Play with it, use all the senses that are relevant to your specific goal and have fun with it- get your creative juices flowing so you look at what you’ve created and feel hopeful, upbeat and inspired!
If you’d like to see a worked example of visualisation to bring this to life further, check out my blog.
- Create a plan
This can be a complex step in the process because it is hard for us to look at a goal and work out its component parts. A lot of clients find real benefit in having a conversation around this element to give them space to work it out for themselves. If you find this a bit tough, don’t panic- do your best.
The priority here is to break down a large goal into manageable, achievable component parts. The benefit of this is that it will help you to create the steps required and make it feel so much more achievable.
To start this, grab a bank piece of paper and start brainstorming… ask yourself the question:
“what do I need to do to make this a reality?”
Try to make your answers as granular and specific as possible. For example, if you were planning to make a cup of tea, the tasks you might write down could be:
- Pick up the kettle
- Remove the lid from the kettle
- Run the cold tap
- Fill the kettle with sufficient cold water
- Replace the lid on the kettle
- Put the kettle back on its base
- Flick the switch to make the kettle boil
- Select a mug from the cupboard
- Add a teabag of choice to the mug
- Once boiled, pour the boiling water on the teabag
- Allow to brew
- Once brewed sufficiently, take a teaspoon from the drawer
- Remove the teabag from the mug and put it in the bin
- Go to the fridge and pick up the milk
- Pour sufficient milk into the mug
- Stir the tea
- Replace the milk in the fridge
- Enjoy the cup of tea
(Sorry if I’ve offended you with my milk last choices!!)
Hopefully, you can see from this example how you can break down a seemingly “simple” task into its component parts. Imagine the power in doing the same with a more complex or overwhelming task.
What you will be left with is a clear task list, which effectively provides you with an action plan. As you approach your brainstorming of the component parts, it is likely they will be in a random order, depending on how your mind comes to them. So, take some time, once you have your list, to prioritise them into an order that makes sense.
- Set yourself deadlines
You know what you’re shooting for. You’ve worked out what you need to do to get there, and you’ve put these tasks in priority order. Now its time to set yourself some deadlines.
Deadline setting gives you a tangible goal to work towards, it holds you to account and will enhance your sense of progress, of moving things forwards. The important element when considering deadline setting is to make sure that the deadlines you set are stretching but achievable. Be realistic about what you’ll be able to deliver and by when, but also challenge yourself a little. At the end of the day, a plan is all well and good but you need to take action to make the changes towards the life and career you dream of. And when better to start, but today?
I hope this is a useful approach to help you to work out what you want from your life, and to support you to put a plan in place to get there. I’d love to hear how you’ve applied this in your life and what results you get as a consequence.
If you feel that you’d benefit from a conversation about your what’s next for you or support in creating a plan to build a life that is fulfilling on your terms, do get in touch to arrange a complimentary 30min discovery call.
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